You know how long it took to get to that moment? Years of watching WikiHow video on French kissing and practicing my smooching skills on a red velvet cupcake. This isn’t a beautiful fairytale story, its a wet, shady and slightly slimy. So, it happened with my first boyfriend who I was with on and off. We were long distance for a while as I travelled between Egypt and England, oh did I mention? He was Egyptian (Love that). It was our 3rd time getting back together and before I went Egypt to see him we were always talking on Skype and BBM (Yeah them days) so we got to explore some things…
We started becoming more vocal about sex and sexuality which was great because I needed that lol. We started talking dirty and having mild phone sex, we always said “bad things” in English because everything sexual sounds cringe in Arabic. so obviously it was discussed that when I get to Egypt, some action would happen between us.
I get to Egypt and after meeting some friends, I go to meet my Boyfriend, I hug him and am happy to see him. We chill for a bit and then decide its time- It about time we kissed- but Where? How? So we’re in El Korba ( Cairo, Egypt) and we walk around looking for a discreet area. The fact that we had to scope out the area for 45 minutes to find a decent location is pathetic. So guess where we end up? In an apartment building that was open, yes its very tragic I know x So we walk up a few flights of stairs and say “ok, this is good“. I was NERVOUS and I made it obvious, it wasn’t even like a secure apartment- we were by the stairs and there are 3 flats on that floor that all look directly to where we were standing.My thoughts were that if one person comes out or someone looks through the peephole and I am getting deported back to England. I calm down and lean against the wall and him standing opposite me a few steps back. Out of NO WHERE he rushes in and kisses me, I was taken by surprise because it wasn’t a slow smooth entrance, it was quick rushed and unexpected.
My head ” is this what its supposed to be like? he’s too rough, too much tongue, too much saliva and his mouth is going everywhere“. Side note- This boy told me that we has experienced!! like kissed over 50+ girls or sth, so obviously I thought he knew what he was doing. I really didn’t know what to do with my mouth, it was making minimal movement while being wide open?! (Ugh.. what about all those wikihow videos) His hands starts wandering around my boobs, waist and hips and his tongue still trying to reach my trachea and I KNOW I don’t like this. So I try to pull back but I can’t because I am against a wall so I push him of me in the nicest way. ” I am sorry, I can’t” we look at each other for a few moments before we hear a sound. WTF was that? we realised someone came into the building and started coming up the stairs. My boyfriend starts panicking ” omg, omg, a7a, yanhar eswed etfad7na” I tell him to go downstairs and wait for me outside while I go up, hoping the guy wouldn’t go up too many flights of stairs. I go to the top floor, catch my breath and calm down before listening for the guy- Thank god he’s gone- so I started making my way down to meet my boyfriend outside.
I felt weird… I felt bad, shameful, dirty and it was the first time I felt that way, again it was my first sexual interaction with a boy. When I see him downstairs I walk straight past him, head down. He keeps apologising and we stop by the trunk of a car while I cry my eyes away. Bless him, he was so nervous and scared too but I was too focused on myself to think about him. He kept asking me to talk to him while he continued to apologise between every sentence, he kept saying he will never see me differently and that I am not a “hoe”. I told him, I was okay and that I felt weird and I just wanted to go home. He really didn’t want me to go home and I just kept saying JUST TAKE ME HOME PLEASE. He takes me home and we leave it there.
After that kiss I decided I HATE kissing and NEVER want to do it again and it took me while to get over that (about a year). I hated it because because it was the worst kiss ever and the fact that I didn’t feel secure and safe in a place where someone could come in at any moment. If anyone would have caught us, we defo would have been taken to the police and charged with inappropriate behaviour. After that we talked it out over the phone and he said we don’t have to do it again since it made me so uncomfortable.
Thankfully I got over that uncomfortableness with time and realised that it was just him that was a REALLY bad kisser. It wasn’t my fault I hated my first kiss, i just didn’t kiss the right guy.
We broke up 1 week later and in the following years I proceeded to makeout with the best of the best!
Lots of Love from
Not Your Arab Girl x